i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
