just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
