Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
