Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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