He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
