He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
