Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
