Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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