you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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