dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
did you just send me my own nude
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
