Yo dont text me then not text me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
