you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
