Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
