so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
