I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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