is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
