a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
