can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I need to align my fucking chakras
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
