if only i could text you this smell
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
