She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
