things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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