Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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