He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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