I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
