ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
