i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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