Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize