break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Randomize
