Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
