I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
