My underwear smells like fireworks.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We had to coat check the pizza.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I had to cum in my sink.
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