Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
