Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
