i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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