I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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