I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
