You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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