I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
