once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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