where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
