so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
