dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
