I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
