I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
