Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
