Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
