allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
