Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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