So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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