i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
