i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
