i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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